After much study and thought, I believe I may have found it. Last night as I sat guard on my bedroom floor, spray bottle in hand, ready to squirt my kitten in the face the second she pounced at my poor hamster's cage, I realized that this was the answer to all things that ail us -- a spray bottle.
My ever-curious kitten has a never-ending agenda of pestering my other animals, primarily my anti-social geeky little hamster, Kyle. Many a night is spent lying awake, waiting for her to pounce at his cage, so she might learn the lesson of pouncing Kyle's cage = wetness right in her furry face. After a spritz or two in the face, she's usually learned her lesson for the night and retreats peacefully to her spot between our pillows, consoling herself by lapping at her damp fur. Last night as I sat there, finger on the trigger, I realized this: Life would be infinitely easier with such a concrete form of reprimand and punishment for those that act out.
I started invisioning myself sitting at work, spray bottle at the ready. My assistant asks me a stupid question that he's asked 10 times before? No problem, spray him in the face. The dim-witted slackers that sit several seats down from me start guffawing at another of their off-color jokes? Easy fix, spray them in the face. A client calls and yells yet again about something that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things? Send a spray straight through the phone and right into their gaping maw. This could really turn things around.
Then I began to ask myself: why isn't this sort of thing acceptable in society? Wouldn't peace abound if we were all able to spray each other in the head whenever the other needed it? Not to mention the thought of a squirt to the face first thing in the morning is enough to quiet just about any off-color or inappropriate thing you may be about to say. I think it would add an interesting dynamic to the work place, as well as serve to head inappropriate behavior off at the pass.
Note to self: pitch to manager at next meeting. If she declines? You guessed it. My trigger finger is at the ready.
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2 comments:
I love that idea. The world would resemble one big wet t-shirt contest =)
Enjoying your blog. Keep it up Andrea!
Great idea, but then you'd be required to carry a squirt bottle around all the time, make sure it's filled, etc. I think the same thing could be accomplished by giving a quick flick to the forehead. And (most people) are armed at all times with that weapon. :-)
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